Thursday, October 23, 2008

Job 28

20 "Where then does wisdom come from?
Where does understanding dwell?

21 It is hidden from the eyes of every living thing,
concealed even from the birds of the air.

22 Destruction and Death say,
'Only a rumor of it has reached our ears.'

23 God understands the way to it
and he alone knows where it dwells,

24 for he views the ends of the earth
and sees everything under the heavens.

25 When he established the force of the wind
and measured out the waters,

26 when he made a decree for the rain
and a path for the thunderstorm,

27 then he looked at wisdom and appraised it;
he confirmed it and tested it.

28 And he said to man,
'The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom,
and to shun evil is understanding.' "


Dear friends and family,

I start off this letter with the verses above because I believe we can confidently walk with Him who is wise and knows all things. We worship God simply because He is God and not for what he provides. To accord Him the glory is more important than wishing for anything.

Praise God today the ultrasound scan was all normal! Doctors have reduced the ultrasound scans from weekly to fortnightly! We give God all the glory and honour because without Him, last week would have been tough to get through. So thank you for all your prayers and encouragement that has been flooding through our mailboxes. I’m sorry if I haven’t got to some of you yet – I will do my best to reply!

Today, I don’t want to talk about the baby. Instead, here’s what I learned from the book of Job over the past 2 days. If you are interested, read on!

Best friend June invited me to 2 evenings on expositions from the book of Job under Project Timothy at ORPC (Orchard Rd Presbyterian church). I love the answers presented by Christopher Ash, Director of the Cornhill Training Centre, UK.

1. Does Jesus want you to be rich (and healthy, successful and powerful)?

- Most certainly, but probably NOT YET. In this world, yours and my faith will be tested, and refined like gold. Our reward is certainly in heaven.

2. The mark of a true believer : Everything is stripped away but still trusts in God.

3. A believer can be terribly alone in suffering because only he/she knows what it feels like.

4. The search for wisdom is costly because this is a valuable and inaccessible object. So stop looking for it with our limited human minds. Instead we must confidently walk with Him who knows all things; thus we will be wise.

5. God is God. We are not. God is all-mighty; he did everything in creation, controls the wild animals and beasts. We are unworthy to question Him.

6. So our sovereign faithfulness should be to God; even in our darkest moments. Likewise, we cannot deal and overcome evil in this world alone, we need God.

7. UNDESERVED suffering DOES exist. Of course, sometimes we suffer the consequences of our own sin, thus we search our hearts to see where suffering comes from. However, Christianity is not about ‘karma’ – ie. Suffering happens to bad people (that’s what Job’s friends said). Just remember our reward is in heaven.

Correct me if I'm wrong, for I know this is all rather simplistic and you’ll probably have many questions and bombard me with different levels of argument. Despite this, I want to let you know I found comfort in the reminder that God knows all things and sometimes things don’t work out the way we plan it to.
I leave here with a hymn that touched me yesterday, for I know that God is with us.

It Is Well with My Soul

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

when sorrows like sea billows roll;

whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,

It is well, it is well with my soul.

Refrain:

It is well with my soul,

it is well, it is well with my soul.



2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,

let this blest assurance control,

that Christ has regarded my helpless estate,

and hath shed his own blood for my soul.

(Refrain)



3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part but the whole,

is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

(Refrain)



4. And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,

the clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

even so, it is well with my soul.

(Refrain)



With love,

Marcus and Charlene

Friday, October 17, 2008

taking things in perspective

I've posted 3 letters to all of you that were sent out recently. It's for all to view and pass it on to encourage your friends.

There are up and down days. Down when I get hit with unfavourable news - after a good cry, God puts my mind to rest. We humans are resilient and bounce back quite easily. I'm not going to lie and say that it's all a bed of roses or that I'm super-happy.

Praise God for friends like you who treat me like family. I'm so grateful that you all support us all the way, pray and encourage us no matter what.

In all my life I've not been lacking in love department and I count myself blessed! There are millions of things to be grateful for and I don't want to dwell on the nasties because God has his plan in all things.

I've realised some things:
1. It's ok to grieve. Just place urself in God's arms, get up and walk again.
2. It's ok to ask for the priority seat in the MRT; even when students pretend to be sleeping on it(becoz now i look heavily pregnant). Just smile gratefully after they get up and say 'thank u very much'.
3. It's ok to tell people you're lonely.
4. It's ok to tell God you're sad.
5. My job is to let others know that God is good, all the time.
6. God has his perfect timing - in all things and don't forget that. In the grand scheme of things, our suffering is so transient, so insignificant. So put our trust in Him.
7. Don't let fear drive us to do silly things. But let perfect love motivate us to do even better things.

So let me stop procrastinating about things. I dedicate this time to honing my writing again and falling in love with my first love - reading.

baby's development part 3-17 oct 08

“My grace is sufficient for your, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Cor 9.

“For you created my innermost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Ps139: 13-16

Dear friends & family

Thank you for your prayers and concern. We really appreciate your petitions to our Father, our all-powerful God. Marcus and I know that He who has brought us this child will continue to carry his work to completion!

The diagnostic during my ultrasound scan yesterday was not too positive. The sonographer took an awful long time – in silence – to take photographs and write the report. My mother and I proceeded to the counseling room where we spoke to another doctor. Doctor said the baby’s heart had water around it possibly due to the stomach pushing upwards, causing pressure in the chest area where the heart is located. She wanted me to come back for weekly ultrasounds from now on; and keep monitoring progress.

We also had an appointment with the warm and friendly neo-natal specialist, Dr Bhavani. She explained that after delivery, specialists would stabilize the baby’s heart & breathing for 5-7 days before surgery. So far, the hospital has not lost any babies AFTER surgery – that was great news. The crucial period, however, was the 5-7 days after delivery where the baby would be in NICU, hooked up to machines and administered medication to aid breathing.

The baby probably will need to stay in hospital 4-6 weeks after delivery. After being stable for 2-3 months, scheduled check-ups will be arranged. Post-surgery, the lungs should be fully functional a year after, as lung tissue develops very well. In the first year, it is expected that the baby may be in and out of hospital for respiratory conditions / infections.

Right now, the baby’s condition:

1. Left sided diaphragmatic hernia where the bowels are pushed to the chest area.

2. The stomach has pushed the heart to the right, which would possibly strain the heart muscles and restrict blood flow during development.

3. Left lung growth OK. Right lung tissue underdeveloped as squeezed to the right by the heart. The baby’s lungs form last during development and lungs are used only when baby emerges from the womb. Therefore doctors are unable to ascertain the extent to which the lungs are working.

To pray for:

1. Full-term delivery. Ie. Delivery after 34 weeks would be best because a term baby would be more stable than a premature one. We pray that the situation will improve from now on so as the baby will be able to be well.

2. A positive mindset, looking to God because He is our creator. He has supplied us with the grace to overcome all things.

3. Wisdom by doctors, sound advice and the ability to know when to take action, if necessary.

In the meantime, we place our trust in our God; for He has great plans for this STAR that shines brightly for Him. Esther of the bible had all odds stacked against her but yet she overcame all things – although this baby’s struggle started earlier, we are sure she will overcome everything to emerge victorious!

Praise God that He has arranged for things to be well so far and placed baby’s case in the right hands of experienced doctors and surgeons.

I will be in Singapore from now until delivery because doctors have advised me to be near the hospital in case of an emergency.

God bless you all,

Charlene and Marcus

baby's development - part 2-30 sep 08

ear friends,

thanks for all your concern and prayers. We certainly see God's hand in everything these 2 days.

Just to update, we have decided to deliver the baby in KKH in singapore. Docs have recommended to deliver at term - or near term as possible. Unless the baby suffers distress and needs to come out earlier. That is why I will need to be here from 16 October until delivery. They don't want me to be too far from the hospital in case of an emergency.

For now, I am in Singapore and will return to KL only on 4th or 5th Oct as I have another appointment with the Dr.

Monday - saw Dr Tan who arranged an immediate ultrasound. Didn't wait long! Sonographer said come back next day at 9.30am when the senior director & team comes to view complicated cases.

Tuesday - went for ultrasound again. A/Prof George Yeo was at the ultrasound confirming where all the baby's organs were. Straight afterward, proceeded to the counselling room where 2 docs talked me through and advised me that I need to come back to see the baby doc & surgeon. Set a date for further ultrasound and appointments with baby surgeon. Senior director talked us through the technicalities of the case.

They all advised me to come back every 2 weeks for monitoring and be nearby in case of emergency. Cost-wise they advised me to refer to my first dr to find how to obtain subsidies when I deliver.

The cost of neo-natal care may rack up a high bill. We will need to find out more how to get subsidies. Anyway neo-natal care does not have different classes (subsidised vs private class) so it doesn't matter anyway.

Praise God for:
1. Cutting all lines, getting immediate priority and treatment! Eg. see doctor on monday morning, ultrasound immediate (usually got to set another date !), see Sr Director immediately next morning.

2. Immediately setting up of appointment with priority on the dates for both baby doc and surgeon on the next date of ultrasound (16 Oct).

We were highly impressed with the speedy service and priority given. It is so difficult to skip the long lines at the hospital.

3. Oh yah, after half a day with consultation with 3 docs+ultrasoundx2 today, it was FOC. Of course i paid on the first day lah- but not as much as I would in KL at a private hospital.

Things to pray for:

1. to find out the best way to get subsidised rates on delivery & neo-natal care. NICU (neonatal icu) prices are high, paediatric dr & surgeon bills may go up the roof. The system to get subsidised rates is pretty strict.

-I need to report first to a govt clinic, then wait in line for a panel dr at the hospital, then get referred to the same specialist doctors. I can't downgrade from within the hospital system since now I am a private patient (had to pay private rates to cut all the lines to the experts). Cos i need to show that my whole immediate family earns less than $3200/mth! Unfortunately my father still works!

2. That the baby will turn out fine. The right lung is compressed near the heart. we need to gauge the development of heart and lungs. Heart failure is the worst thing that can happen because of the pressure of all the organs growing within the baby's chest.

3. Wisdom and guidance for all the drs to give good advice and look into the case.

Other than that, marcus and I heave a sigh of relief. It's good to know that the doctors have the experience and are able to assure me the next course of action. It's all in God's hands now.

God bless
Charlene

baby's development Part 1 - 27 sep 08

Dear friends,

Thanks for all your concern and encouragement.

I just wanted to share how God is so good all the time! That even in times of difficulty we need to praise God because he always makes a way and is faithful throughout. God has rescued me and made ways for me - and I KNOW FOR SURE He will continue to show me the way.

I'll tell you the sequence of events and you will see God's hand:

- 6 weeks ago i went for a 3D & 4D detailed scan and my dr, Wong Sum Keong, saw that the baby's stomach was in its chest cavity, above the diaphragm. He said we need to wait and see development of the baby's lungs and whether this will present breathing difficulties upon birth. However we can only find out this upon the baby's delivery because currently the baby doesn't need to breathe. The term is called CONGENITAL DIAPHRAGM HERNIA. A check on the internet reveals a lot about babies having this in America. 1 in 30,000.
I said I'll pray and wait for the 2nd scan.

- 2nd detail scan was on Monday evening with Dr Wong. He said he definitely wants to get a 2nd opinion from his colleague and referred me to a Dr Patrick Chia, specialising in fetal abnormalities.

- I secured an appointment with Dr Chia on Friday. He was detailed in his scanning and saw these cases before. He referred me to Universiti Hospital Dr Sofiah S- (forgot), who has handled many cases like these.

- Dr Chia was so good, he called Dr Sofiah and Dr Wong straightaway! Dr Chia secured an appt with Dr Sofiah. Unfortunately she is on holiday (Hari Raya) and will return mid-Oct. Dr Chia wrote all the referral letters to pass to the doctors.

- Dr Chia was knowledgeable and patient and recommended the government hospital because he said private hospitals don't have the facilities to deal with complicated cases. He checked and saw that this was a favourable case:
1. The lungs were forming very well
2. The liver is in the right place - if not, this would be a major concern
3. The heart was fully formed and pumping well, only thing was it was displaced to the side a bit
A check on the internet revealed that these indicate the baby is the highest 25% for CDH cases. The baby will definitely do well.

- Dr Chia's recommendations:
1. Do a C-section nearer the date. This is to assemble the team of specialists on standby to check and take over should the baby require immediate surgery.
2. I will definitely pay a private hospital price in KL. Check if I am able to get a subsidised price in Singapore. Depending on the neo-natal care in ICU later, I will need to find out more.
3. He said go to A/Prof George Yeo and team at KK hospital (Singapore) to see if I can do something or arrange baby's delivery there.
4. Increase the frequency of monitoring for the baby to every 2-3 weeks.

- Called up KK hospital immediately for appointment ( Got the number from Gideon & june). Dr George Yeo does not see patients anymore, I asked for the most senior in his team, Dr KH Tan. Dr Tan's next avail appointment is 20 Oct.

- Went back to office and emailed central appointments of KK hospital, requesting for an earlier appointment. Central appointments emailed me immediately and said OK, giving me 5 dates. I chose the earliest, Monday 29-09-08 morning 9am.

- Getting a bus ticket was challenging. However it was very fast. You see, it's Hari Raya major holidays in Msia- (this weekend until weekend all fully booked!). Singapore f1 night race is on tonight and sunday night. But we got tickets! Bus leaves from right in front our house in Mont' Kiara.

- My father will pick us up from Corpthorne Orchid Dunearn Rd (Singapore) tomorrow night at 8pm. We will leave back to KL Monday at 5pm. We try to avoid the traffic this way.

We simply cannot ignore the signs that God will continue to guide and lead. Here's why:

1. We have chosen the name Estelle for the baby. God has assured me she'll be his bright shining star and totally approves of the name (meaning of esther from the bible). Queen Esther was made for "such a time as this". I'm not kidding - God really did speak to me 3 Sundays ago. I got confirmation from my father-in-law who said God spoke to him about the name esther (while in bed!).

2. Most people see several doctors before they are given a solution.

God has brought favour and me to the right people at the right time. I got the right knowledgeable doctors who continue to help me all the way.

3. KK hospital was very efficient in changing my appointment! Not only that, Dr KH Tan is one of the top shots in KK. I better give this a good try.

4. My case shows signs of being favourable. This is an assurance that everything will be fine in the end. God has told me that all will be well. It's just the meantime that we need to work things out.

5. Bus tickets are impossible to get at this time. God made it possible!

6. Our friends in church have emailed some staff in Universiti Hospital here and will continue to pester for some queue jumping...

7. we are able to detect early this condition and are able to plan ahead for the next step.

So in the meantime, I appreciate your prayers to get the right doctors who will advise wisely on the next course of action.

I believe that God has given us the means to take care of this baby. Financially, spiritually, emotionally.

I will also appreciate if we all refrain from unnecessary worry and negative thoughts because this simply would not help the matter. God is always bigger than any problem. If not for God, Marcus and I would be freaking out by now.

God bless
Charlene